Yikes! The Creature Known As Dirtium Maxus Has Found Its Way to Virginia

It was just as Dark Garden described him and apparently, the creature John Boy said he thought he saw several weeks ago in Maryland has migrated south. Standing down in the west 40 this morning I saw this surreal, hairy creature hunched over my garden area that was supposed to be planted today.

He was as rotund as he was tall. He had grayish-brown hair all over his head, back, chest and even the legs had folicles of hair. And just like the sighting from DG, this creature had orange, web-feet.

I wanted to escape; get as far from him as quickly as possible. But something drew me towards him and that's when I saw the creature actually had a nice side to him -- he was planting my garden for me.

I hollered to SisIggy to fetch the camera while I grabbed our camping chairs and a pitcher of mint julips. We set the chairs in the shade and watched the big fellar get to work.

First he raked the clods left over from disking the ground. The he set rows and then began planting. First there were two rows of lettuce. Next came 1 3/4-rows of onions with a small patch of chive. He also gave us peppers, more onions, collards, radish, cukes, squash, and a bunch of tomatoes.

The creature didn't plant any corn but it did leave us room for six rows of SilverQueen. I only hope he comes back tomorrow and finishes the job.

As it finished the last of the plantings, it sat down on a drywall compound bucket and began making grunting noises.

Finally, it tried to stand but remained hunched over as it waddled off towards the neighbor's hay field.

As we watched it continue to walk, it began to straighten up and when it was erect, we saw it was an imposing creature even as it scratched its ass towards the setting sun.