Just Because it looks like a BM doesn't mean it tastes like one

Editor's Note: Having gone to bed Monday night without posting the blog seen below, I couldn't sleep because I knew Dark Garden wanted to see what I had to say.

Got up at 4 am to write this. Now I'm going back to bed.

Additional Editor's Note: Sisiggy had a great suggestion regarding this post in a comment below. I've decided - it the interest of the viewing public - to add it here a top my blurb: "If you are eating something, either come back later or stop immediately."

I’m sure everyone has gotten an email at one time or another that you thought said one thing but the sender thought otherwise.

It happened to me last Friday evening when an email popped into my inbox from Dark Garden announcing a belated Cinco de Mayo celebration at his abode on Sunday.

Here is an exact copy of the message:

B Y O D
Si. You read it right! B Y O D
Bring Your Own Dip
Here’s the theme sports fans!
Everyone bring your own dip of choice.
Now relax (ART!), you can be silly with it or serious… HOWEVER, it must be palatable!
(Otherwise everyone will be bringing things like “Billy Zane’s Corn Bowel Movement Fiesta Dip.”)
Hmm… well actually… I guess you really could bring a dip called “Billy Zane’s Corn Bowel Movement Fiesta Dip,” but
you can’t go putting real bowel movement in it. Well … .actually… I guess you could, however, everyone will have to have a nice heapin’-honkin’ scoop of their own product before anyone else will be subject to the taste off.
Anyway, you can go ahead and just purchase a ready-to-go jar of Tostitos or Lays or whatever.
Oh… the dip…. It can only accommodate a Tostito type chip. No bread dips or cracker dips.
Remember, we’re celebrating Cinco De Mayo here!
We’ll see you SUNDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Recap:
1. Bring your own chip dip.
2. Must go on a Tostito type chip, come call them a Tortilla, I call them a Tostito type.
3. No poo.
PEACE!!!!!!!

Maybe it’s my ADD or just that I like all things sewage. Whatever the reason, my eyes (Ok, my eye) latched onto this particular statement:

(Otherwise everyone will be bringing things like “Billy Zane’s Corn Bowel Movement Fiesta Dip.”)

And, I missed recap #3.

Yes, I thought our dips would be judged on the one that most resembled a bowel movement.

At Martins on Saturday I found a jar of Newman’s Own Black Bean and Corn Salsa. In the jar it looked like my loose bowels -- a day after eating spicy foods and whole corn.

You know what I’m talking about.

Coupled with a can of re-fried beans and PRESTO – Instant Shit.

At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Oh, BTW. We did have a competition and six brave souls produced their own version of BMs. The winner - in a squeaker - was Dark's fresh salsa with John Boy's Death Potion right up there.

I finished near the bottom but that's where Paul Newman's SH*T belongs. If I could have found some from Billy Zane, who knows, maybe I would have won the competition!